


ah, mon dieu

by ashforge



Category: Fate/Apocrypha, Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Character Study, Consensual Sex, F/F, Falling In Love, Sort Of, With the Lights Off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 14:00:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12134013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashforge/pseuds/ashforge
Summary: Jeanne did not remember experiencing certain feelings during her lifetime.  It might have been because she was too busy, or because it never really had a chance to occur.  She believed it was because she was too enraptured with the Lord to even notice them.  But now, as a Heroic Spirit, she was fraught with waves of emotion that she didn’t particularly understand.  Especially when it came to her Master.





	ah, mon dieu

**Author's Note:**

> this one is a bit different than my others.  
> it has a lot less structure - mainly because i wasn't planning on writing it  
> i really want to do one on jalter but i wanted  
> to first think about jeanne and how she would feel in romantic situations  
> then it kinda tumbled into this

Jeanne did not remember experiencing certain feelings during her lifetime. It might have been because she was too busy, or because it never really had a chance to occur. She believed it was because she was too enraptured with the Lord to even notice them. But now, as a Heroic Spirit, she was fraught with waves of emotion that she didn’t particularly understand. Especially when it came to her Master.

She knew Fujimaru Ritsuka to be a hardworking, industrious young woman with a heart like a lions. They met, at first, during her semi-summoning at Orleans after her death. An altered form of her had brought dragons and death to her beloved France, and Ritsuka came allied with a swath of heroes to stop them. Even a Saint, the Saint George who felled a dragon with the blessings of the Lord, had been there with her. Jeanne admired her resolve then – a stranger to their lands and not part of their era putting their life on the line. Even if the end result had been more in Ritsuka’s favor, the young woman did not leave the frontlines for safety.

Perhaps, Jeanne thought, she was comfortable in seeing a kindred spirit. While a French citizen herself, Jeanne was a peasant and a woman. Her vision from God had been the only thing that drove her forward, and she took the banner. She had chose to solely shoulder a weight that was not just hers – and carried it with grace. She did not know, at the time, the depths of the parallels but Jeanne felt drawn to the woman none the less. The firmness of her gaze, the tightness of her back, and the strength of her voice. This was a person she could understand. That would understand her in return.

They met again through the summons. Jeanne had heard the call and answered it. To her, it was a labor of love. She wanted ever so desperately to know more about this woman, to know what she stood for, to hear the sound of her voice. It was then she learned more about her efforts. The Chaldea Security Organization, and the future of mankind. So many hopeful Masters died, and in their wake, left Fujimaru Ritsuka alone to shoulder their grief. It was alone her duty to command the Servants. It was alone her duty to overcome the Singularities. It was Fujimaru Ritsuka’s banner which would save humanities future.

It made Jeanne’s heart hurt. Her life was short but not lonely. She had the Lord to guide her, and many knights and heroes who would fight with her. But it was a somber existence. As she aged, she felt the weight of the world on her like soaked armor. It pulled her down, and if she did not have her faith, would make her waver. Ritsuka didn’t particularly believe in anything, she said once. If the Lord gave Jeanne sight, then He must be real. But she had met demigods and monsters too. There were many answers, she said, and none of them wrong. Yet the questions would still come. ‘Your God sounds good.’ She said with a wry smile. ‘I hope He watches over me too.’

Throughout their time together, Jeanne had found a comfortable place with Ritsuka. A happy, ambiguous feeling that she had no qualms with. They spoke together often. They sometimes bathed together. They ate together. They were, at times, inseparable. But it didn’t make Jeanne nervous, heated, uncomfortable. She could look at her Master with undisguised love and admiration and not feel as though she were hiding something. She wasn’t, after all. She had no reason to feel guilt when she admired Ritsuka’s body or the sound of her voice. It did not have any particular meaning to it.

It did change though. When that other her came from the summoning system. Avenger had her face, had her clothes, had her memories – but she was not Jeanne. She was not even an altered version of Jeanne. However, in some way, they were the same person. Perhaps that’s why Jeanne felt self conscious about her decisions. Avenger did what she wanted, and that was often acting in a way that was the exact opposite of what Jeanne would do. Despite that, she would still pick things that had significance to her.

“You want to be burned alive, don’t you?” Avenger purred, pinning Ritsuka against a table’s edge. They had been having a normal conversation up until that point, or it sounded like it was. Yet, something just triggered Avenger into acting. Her chest was indecently pressed forward, and one of her legs had pressed hard between Ritsuka’s.

“Jeanne – ” Ritsuka had begun, her voice hitched a little higher, but she never got to finish. Avenger didn’t just catch her lips, but visibly pressed her tongue inside Ritsuka’s mouth. It was such a shock, Jeanne couldn’t react immediately. Not with hearing the meek noise her Master made against Avenger.

“Y-You!” Jeanne cried out finally, closing the distance between them faster than she knew possible. Her hand grasped Avenger’s shoulder, and the Servant finally freed herself from Ritsuka’s lips. Jeanne wasn’t entirely thrilled by seeing her own image give her such a smug look, but she wasn’t ready for the rest.

Avenger patted Ritsuka’s cheek and pulled away. “What? Are you jealous?” She asked with a sour grin. “She wanted me to burn her. Little maidens like you wouldn’t understand.”

Jeanne couldn’t really look at Ritsuka after that. Not because she thought Ritsuka had asked for that kind of contact. Avenger was a habitual liar, and made it an effort to try and upset Jeanne if she could. Ritsuka thought that was the reason though, so everywhere she went, her Master tried to apologize and explain. That wasn’t really the issue. She tried to convey that feeling a few times, focused on Ritsuka’s shoes, but she felt like she wasn’t making a good case for herself.

Up until that point, she had been happy with her ambiguous feeling. It didn’t have a word and meaning and she didn’t have to think about it. But Avenger had taken that from her. Now she had to deal with an emotion she hadn’t experienced before. Up until that point, she realized, she had just been casually in love with Fujimaru Ritsuka. Without the need to act on her feelings, and without the pressure to speak them, she didn’t have to confront them. She spent her days content to hear Ritsuka’s voice. She had spent her time admiring Ritsuka’s body. She had spent so much of her time in love without having to know it.

In life she only had time for God and France. She had no leisure to fall in love like a normal girl. Here in Chaldea’s walls, Jeanne had the freedom to do that. It was terrifying, and liberating. She never had a want to do something like that, but now that she had a word to her emotion, her heart raced. She couldn’t tell where it began, or how it got to the point it was, but Jeanne couldn’t look at it the same way any longer.

To her, it was a betrayal to Ritsuka. In retrospect, Jeanne found all of her covetous thoughts and felt guilt. Ritsuka who had accepted her friendship and companionship for this entire time had been unknowingly feeding into Jeanne’s indecent desires. She wondered how long she had been seeking Ritsuka out to pine after her. She wondered if her Master would think poorly of her for doing so. So much of Jeanne wanted to admit it and be shunned – what she expected – but a selfish, human part of her wanted to keep her secret.

Jeanne turned into the cafeteria to find Ritsuka there in the company of a few other Servants. Only for a moment did they make eye contact. On habit, Jeanne turned around to leave. It had been weeks now, and she knew it was at a point where she had to be honest about it, but Jeanne hadn’t thought of the right words. Behind her, she could hear Ritsuka tripping over herself, and excusing herself to the others at the table.

“Wait – Jeanne, wait,” Ritsuka finally caught a handful of Jeanne’s capelet, holding her still. “Let’s talk. You’re mad, I think?”

She pursed her lips. “I’m not, really.” She answered. It was true, at least, in context. She definitely wasn’t mad at Ritsuka. Jeanne looked back at her Master, hoping her face wouldn’t betray her emotions. “I’ve needed to focus on other matters as of late.”

Ritsuka nodded, and rubbed her hands together nervously. “I see, well.” She struggled to keep the conversation going. “I’m always here to, uh, talk to. We talked about this before, y’know. Neither of us have to shoulder all of this ourselves anymore.”

Her words almost made Jeanne flinch. Those words cut deep, and they left her feeling dizzy. That sickly adoration feeling rose up in her stomach again. “Saying things like that,” Jeanne murmured. Will only make me love you more, she finished privately. However, she had spoken aloud, and Ritsuka was waiting for an end to her sentence. She sighed. It wasn’t like her to be so indecisive. Telling half truths and the like was out of character for her.

“I believe I have taken advantage of your kindness and companionship.” Jeanne said, feeling the weight of her guilt fly from her. With each word, she felt less and less heavy by her feelings. “At some point I developed certain feelings for you, and it’s been only recently that have I been able to put a name to them.”

It was a few moments before recognition passed through Ritsuka’s face. Her mouth opened into an o. Shame turned Jeanne red, but something else made her Master blush. She ran a hand on the back of her neck, and struggled for something to say. She even began a few times before stopping, uncertain about her word choice. Then, finally, Ritsuka replied. “I may have been doing that too.”

Surprise crossed over Jeanne’s face. She tried to imagine all of her allies and their relationship with Ritsuka. “With who?” She asked and watched as Ritsuka’s face went through about five different emotions. Finally, though, she just smiled.

“You.”

Jeanne stared at her. For some reason or another, this was a possibility that she had never considered. In the depression of her guilt, never once did Jeanne think that her feelings would be reciprocated. She realized, belatedly, that she had thoughtlessly made Ritsuka into herself. Jeanne never had to struggle with those things in life. Jeanne never had to think about it. To her – the Ritsuka who was so much like herself would not be concerned with those things either. Yet now, she realized, Ritsuka was a different person in different circumstances. She was a normal woman, with normal appetites.

Her face colored. “Oh.”

It was fear that gripped Jeanne first. She wondered if it was alright to feel this way. She wondered if God would think any less of her. She wondered if she had deserved this when there was still so much for her to do. She wanted to run away – but Jeanne was not a coward. She kept her feet firmly planted on the ground. She had to face this, because she was given the chance to do things now that she never could. The rush of heat to her chest and face made her feel weak. How did people go through their lives feeling like this, she wondered.

“Oh,” She repeated, putting her hands together. “Then I suppose it’s not a problem.”

The two of them stood in blushing silence. Jeanne hadn’t the ability to figure out what she wanted out of this conversation, and Ritsuka didn’t seem to know how to finish it.

“Would you,” Finally, Ritsuka spoke up. “Would you be interested in going back to the way things were?” However, as soon as the words left her mouth, she pinched her brow tight and shook her head. “No, no. That’s not what I want.” She tapped her forehead thoughtfully. “You said you were taking advantage of my kindness. Let’s not do that anymore.”

She paused and cleared her throat. “Courting. That’s it. Could I,” The embarrassment in her tone made her stumble. “Court you, Jeanne?”

Heat swept through Jeanne’s entire body, but seemed to settle most prominently at her chest. It wasn’t like no one had ever offered that before. When she was alive, many men had made offers to her – but she never felt any one way about it. Regret, maybe, or pity. She had no time for that. However, now she had time. The woman in front of her had been genuine and honest with her. She had been patient and caring. She had been someone that Jeanne had no idea she needed.

Jeanne felt like she should’ve felt more conflicted. “ – Yes, that would be nice.”

They became, again, an inseparable pair. They sat together, they spoke together, they ate together – Jeanne would often stay in Ritsuka’s room as her Master slept, enjoying the comfort of their closeness. It wasn’t all that different than the way they acted before but there was safety in that feeling. Ritsuka was incredibly patient. She didn’t rush, or pressure, and the warmth of her personality kept Jeanne at ease.

Sometimes however, when they would separate for the evening, Ritsuka’s hands would linger in hers for a long time. It was such a normal thing to do, so standard that Jeanne felt bothered by how much it impacted her. The first time it happened, she just allowed it. There was nothing in it that bothered her, and she liked being with Ritsuka anyway. The second time, though, she started to feel warm. Then, more and more, Jeanne began to long for it. Even as she began to walk away, their fingers slowly slipped from each other.

Ritsuka’s eyes smoldered as they parted, and Jeanne felt like the breath was caught in her throat. She knew they had been staring at each other for awhile, but Jeanne felt compelled to stay still. It was as if she could tell that words on the tip of Ritsuka’s tongue, waiting for the chance to escape her.

“Uh a-actually,” Ritsuka stuttered letting go of Jeanne’s hands. “Could I kiss you?”

Ah – that would be a normal desire in a relationship. With the thought put in her head, Jeanne would be lying if she said it didn’t interest her. All of these wants and feelings were new, so she had trouble sorting them out. She briefly remembered Avenger’s mouth and tongue against Ritsuka’s and felt a jolt of excitement that went to her head and below her stomach. The more she thought on it, the more appealing the idea became. She had never wanted to do this before, but now she knew even if she said no, it would be the only thing on her mind.

“I’ve never,” Jeanne tapered off, her face hot. She didn’t know how experienced Avenger was at the act, but she looked like she had more than Jeanne. A selfish desire in her heart made her want to not seem incompetent. However, seeing as Ritsuka was patiently waiting for her answer – Jeanne realized that her Master was going out of her way to make her comfortable. She caught a lock of her hair in her fingers, a nervous habit she had completely forgotten she had, and nodded. “…yes.”

Ritsuka’s face softened even more, and she brought her hands up to either side of Jeanne’s face. It wasn’t the first time that her skin touched Jeanne’s, but it was the first time she paid attention to it. Her hands were softer than she expected, but her grip was pleasantly firm. Feeling a bit lost, Jeanne reached out and put her hands the first place that felt right – Ritsuka’s waist. With a tilt of her head, her Master seemed to consider the path. Her amber eyes flickered from Jeanne’s lips to her eyes before leaning in.

Jeanne closed her eyes on reflex. She had no idea what to expect from a romantic kiss. She remembered her sister kissing the top of her head. She remembered her father kissing her forehead. She remembered her mother kissing a scrape on her arm. She kissed the ring on the dauphin. She kissed the feet on statues of Christ. These things were part of life, with their own meanings wholly different than this. Fujimaru Ritsuka had soft lips, and a gentle heat. Ritsuka had a smell that was clean and fresh.

She thought she would’ve felt like she was on fire again. But Jeanne felt like she was basking in sunshine. Her fingers curled against Ritsuka’s waist, savoring every second of the feeling. It wasn’t a heart pounding feeling, really, but she never wanted it to end. When Ritsuka parted from her, Jeanne moved forward to catch her again. Just a little more, she wanted to say, but her mouth was obviously occupied. Finally, Jeanne pulled away as well. A comfortable silence filled the air between them. Ritsuka smiled, and she literally saw the sunshine in her face.

“Could I,” Jeanne felt flustered. “Stay here tonight?”

Many would’ve expected such a request to be less than innocent. But Ritsuka took Jeanne’s hands carefully and led her back inside. She had no expectations, no assertions. They continued to talk, and Jeanne slowly removed her armor. A bubble of guilt rose to her chest as she felt pangs of excitement whenever she caught Ritsuka glancing at her. She knew these appetites were unbecoming. She was a maiden of God after all.

Despite the occasional glance, though, Ritsuka kept to herself without making a comment or request. It was that patience and kindness that made Jeanne heavy and love struck. Her Master practiced a quiet resilience. Every step along the way Jeanne was discovering for the first time, Ritsuka walked alongside her – asking so few things in return. She didn’t seem bothered or inconvenienced by Jeanne’s slow pace. When Jeanne displayed discomfort, she drew back and watched carefully. Every action Ritsuka had was purposeful, thought upon and genuine.

Jeanne wished she had more to offer her. They slept together, in a tangle of arms and blankets. Her heart pounded so loud she thought Ritsuka would hear, would say something, would condemn her lust – but nothing happened. They remained fully dressed the entire night, and Ritsuka fell asleep in a record time of fifteen minutes. There was no pressure. Only comfort. Jeanne closed her eyes and knew Ritsuka smelled of a sunny place.

“Did you enjoy kissing Avenger?”

Jealousy was a new emotion she started to feel with Ritsuka. It wasn’t apparent at first, but the longer they were together, the more she felt it. Jeanne wasn’t unreasonable, she thought. She didn’t think two ways about Ritsuka with the other Servants. She didn’t assume all sorts of infidelity or imagine that others were after her. Jeanne was fully aware that many of her allies had complicated, complex feelings for Ritsuka and had accepted it. The Ritsuka they loved was the same as hers, and she didn’t want her to be different.

But Avenger was different. She had Jeanne’s face. She had Jeanne’s voice. She had Jeanne’s body. When Ritsuka was with Avenger, Jeanne felt – defensive. Jealous. Avenger had already displayed a willingness to get more intimate with Ritsuka. They were the same person, essentially, it wouldn’t surprise Jeanne if Avenger harbored feelings for their Master too. There was the jealousy. Avenger might’ve been more willing to do something Jeanne would not. She could offer more than Jeanne could, and willingly. There would be so little differences.

Ritsuka balked in response. “That’s kind of a loaded question,” she said. She was right of course, but that didn’t make the unpleasantness in Jeanne’s chest feel any better. “Let’s see – I didn’t enjoy it because it was Jeanne Alter. But,” Ritsuka paused, and pursed her lips. “At the time, I thought it’d be a lot like kissing you.”

Disappointment pooled in Jeanne’s stomach as Ritsuka inched closer to her. She appreciated her Master’s honesty, so she didn’t pull away – but she was surprised when Ritsuka’s fingers brushed against her jaw. “But that was at the time. I didn’t know,” She said, tracing Jeanne’s cheeks, “that your lips would be so much better.” Jeanne felt her body flare with heat as her Master gently kissed her.

Until that moment ‘sexy’ was a word she knew but did not understand.

Obviously she found Ritsuka aesthetically attractive. She could look at her all day and feel satisfied with doing so. Obviously, she knew what sexual attraction was. She had felt a tug of it when she was together with Ritsuka. However, until that moment, with the sultry look in her eyes, Jeanne had never felt so acutely aware of it. Even after that night, she found herself more closely studying her Master. The confidence of her smile, the structure of her shoulders, the slope of her waist – these were suddenly causing Jeanne to feel heated.

It sent shocks below her stomach and between her eyes. All the while, she couldn’t tell if she felt guilty or not. The Lord had fulfilled her completely in life, she hadn’t a want that was not given by His benevolence. She had been completely content in being who she was, devoting her mind and body to Him. She would’ve never found herself fraught with lustful thoughts, but now – Jeanne found herself staring at Ritsuka’s lips and thinking about the kind of kiss Avenger gave her.

She felt a bit guilty. Jeanne had been eying her Master lustfully for weeks. At least what she considered to be lustful. She thought about kissing her more intimately. She thought about feeling more of her skin. She thought about the reaction she would get when she did these things. The more she thought, the more Jeanne felt guilty. However, the more she thought – the more she wanted to indulge in it.

Jeanne felt her hands tremble as she ran the very tips of her fingers along Ritsuka’s sides. She inched forward, slowly, and parted her lips. Beneath her fingertips, she felt a tremor through her Master – her lover – but it was short lived. Ritsuka opened her mouth in response. A shudder ran through Jeanne’s body as she cautiously explored. She felt shame – from knowing she was inexperienced and wanting to have more. She was enjoying it. God was watching. Should she be enjoying it?

Her fingers curled into balls, holding Ritsuka’s shirt. Her heart was conflicted, but there was one thing she was certain of. Jeanne pulled away slowly, and whispered before God and Ritsuka. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ritsuka replied without a second of hesitation. Her eyes were clear, fierce.

The guilt and the shame were things she didn’t think she would struggle with. Jeanne found that as her desires grew more sexual the more confused she became. She found Ritsuka sexually attractive, on top of their romantic involvement, and she had a physical desire to be with her. She had the desire for sex. As embarrassing as it was to admit, Jeanne craved physical intimacy. But whenever she thought on it, shame set in. She was a Maiden of God – a woman who was Sainted. La Pucelle.

She wondered if her feelings were a disappointment. A smear on the name of the many Saints who gave their lives for God. She wondered if she would be smiled upon by the Lord now – her licentious thoughts still in her head. When her life was on the line for France, for God, she would’ve never become like this. But that wasn’t the case – she wasn’t living her life like that.

“You don’t have to rush,” Ritsuka said once, braiding Jeanne’s hair. “I want you to be comfortable.”

As much as her words put Jeanne at ease, it also left her frustrated. It wasn’t like she was stupid, Jeanne could feel Ritsuka’s eyes rake her entire body when they were together. She could tell when the kiss didn’t quite satisfy her enough. Jeanne could tell the way Ritsuka’s fingers touched her and craved for more. All of this time, Ritsuka had been patient. It was the right thing to do, she knew logically. It was what anyone with any love in their heart would do. But she felt frustrated. She was uncertain in her own heart and she left her lover dissatisfied.

They kissed – and Jeanne had grown accustomed to feeling Ritsuka’s tongue in her mouth. She began to want it – nearly every time they kissed in private. Every time, it left her on edge. She wanted more – but she was afraid. Jeanne laced her fingers with Ritsuka’s, trying to feel grounded. She didn’t want to be afraid. All things for a reason. The Lord would not let her have this chance if He didn’t will it.

They moved to the bed, Ritsuka sitting and Jeanne standing – their fingers together. “You can touch me.” Jeanne said in barely a whisper. “Above the clothes.”

Ritsuka stared at her for what felt like forever then slowly she took her hands back. Jeanne wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but it wasn’t for Ritsuka to stand and place both her hands on her neck. No squeezing or pressure – just touching. Jeanne’s heart leapt to her throat. It was suddenly a new sensation. Ritsuka’s fingers moved with purposeful precision, leaving tingling trails on the surface of Jeanne’s skin. She ran her hands down her arms, and touched her hips. Even from such small things, Jeanne felt breathless.

Her hands traced swirls up Jeanne’s sides, and made wide circles on her back. Finally, Ritsuka paused and looked up, “stop me if it’s too much.”

Ritsuka waited until she nodded, and she answered first with a kiss. Anticipation made Jeanne almost nervous, inviting her Master into her mouth. Ritsuka’s hands ran up her sides again, and the only difference this time was kissing – but it felt totally different. Her body tensed as the tips of her Master’s thumbs pressed against her breasts. Jeanne had touched her own breasts before, and had things poke and press into them. She had always thought it was strange for people to be so attracted to doing that. It was a different experience entirely when it was someone you wanted to touch you.

Jeanne hesitantly reached out as well, her hands tracing and memorizing Ritsuka’s frame. She had less muscle tone than Jeanne, but had a slightly bigger frame. She had small noticeable scars on her arms and waist from Singularities. She was soft, so very soft, and every part of her seemed to be so similar yet so different than herself. Ritsuka squeezed Jeanne’s breasts gently and she stuttered out of the kiss in a gasp. The sensation went shocks straight to her nipples – both of which, she noticed, had become painfully erect.

“Ah,” she felt embarrassed. Was it appropriate to make a noise like that? And her body too – on top of her stiff nipples showing through her nightgown, she felt a growing heat between her legs. As Jeanne’s mind focused on it, the embarrassment began to tumble into guilt. This – wasn’t appropriate for her. She struggled. She had wants, desires – she wanted it. A part of her felt lesser – like a harlot or a betrayer.

“Jeanne,” Ritsuka’s voice was like a clear beam of sunshine. She pulled Jeanne into an embrace, even though her body was undeniably weaker she was able to lead both of them to the bed. There she urged her against the bed, not once releasing her from the hug. Her arms were like a protective blanket, and gently the tension began to ease. In this position, there was nothing frightening. She trusted Ritsuka. “I love you.” She whispered.

They talked a lot. Jeanne always thought they talked a lot, but the more conflicted she felt, the more she needed to speak. Conversation wasn’t always fruitful – she quickly found that Ritsuka was a better listener than engager. Her wisdom fell flat, and her answers were clustered and a mess. It was frustrating at times, because all Jeanne wanted was to be able to have an answer for her feelings. No one could answer those but herself.

She had to understand that the Jeanne that was burned alive was not wholly the Jeanne who was in the Throne of Heroes. They were the same person, but different. She had devoted her life, her soul, her very being to God. She still did. But she sacrificed everything already. She couldn’t sacrifice everything twice. She was summoned as a Servant – and she was different. The Lord gave her this chance for a reason.

Her heart was her own. Her body was her own. Her soul was her own. She had given everything to God, once and forever. But He had given her the opportunity to live a more normal life. He had given her the chance to fall in love proper, something she never was given the option to do.

Life in Chaldea was His gift, and she shouldn’t be ungrateful.

They had practiced some already. A little over the clothes, a little under. To Ritsuka’s credit, she allowed herself to be examined thoroughly in various states of undress. Even if she felt frustrated, their pace made Jeanne more comfortable. She wanted – she wanted so much, but she wasn’t ready. That’s how it was anyway.

“I want to,” Jeanne stammered, face hot. “Do it fully.”

Ritsuka stared at her, and noticeably swallowed. “Are you sure?”

It wasn’t like they hadn’t talked about it. Jeanne had said she was feeling more comfortable with the idea recently. It was on the horizon, but by the flushed look on her Master’s face, she hadn’t expected it so soon. Jeanne looked to the side and laced her fingers together. “I’d like it if the lights were off though.”

She watched Ritsuka nod stiffly and then numbly grope her end table for the small remote which controlled the rooms electronics. With a slide of her finger, the lights in the room dimmed until the only a stray few lights broke apart the darkness. The blue light of Ritsuka’s computer monitor gave Jeanne the ability to see with some effort – which was just enough. She could see her Master’s eyes – maybe she felt more safe in the dark as well because it was an expression she had never seen before.

Jeanne swallowed with anticipation. Ritsuka’s expression was lustful, and each movement she made as she advanced was purposeful. Her hands gently pressed against Jeanne’s legs as she slowly rolled the end of her nightgown up. “Are you sure about this? I’ll be touching your skin,” she asked, but the seductive purr in her voice made it hard for Jeanne to focus. Her fingertips traced circles on Jeanne’s stomach, and brushed against the base of her breasts. “I’ll be touching other places too.”

It only then occurred to Jeanne that Ritsuka was giving her a chance to back out. Even while advancing with such a gaze, her lover was being so thoughtful of her feelings. Love blossomed through her chest, and Jeanne reached out and cupped Ritsuka’s cheeks. She said nothing, but with the pressure on the tips of her fingers, Jeanne urged her Master forward. God gave her the chance to do what she wanted with this life – and she wanted, in this moment, nothing more than to give herself to Fujimaru Ritsuka.

With no bra on beneath her nightgown, Ritsuka’s hands had immediate access to her breasts. She squeezed them, massaged them, and Jeanne was already restless. She watched as Ritsuka’s head dipped down and she nearly jumped as she felt something moist touch her nipple. Jeanne realized it was Ritsuka’s tongue when her lips wrapped it and before she could protest her Master sucked. A noise escaped her lips, and the sensation shot straight between her legs. Without giving her a chance to recover, Ritsuka’s hand rolled her other nipple between her fingers before pinching it hard.

“Nn!!” Jeanne nearly bit her tongue trying to quiet her noises. It hurt but – the growing need in her womanhood was more urgent. Her face colored, was she so sensitive that her breasts being touched left her this maddened? Ritsuka shifted subtly, and she gently sunk her teeth into Jeanne. A whine escaped her. “Ri – tsuka.”

Her breasts were released and Ritsuka gave a gentle laugh. As she squirmed upwards to Jeanne’s face, she dragged her nails down towards the waistband of Jeanne’s panties. They kissed, soft and slow. “Still fine?” Ritsuka asked fingers hooked on the waistband.

Jeanne hesitated. This time, though, only because of embarrassment. She was more than ready to continue, more than fine. But that just made her feel – silly? She ran her fingers into Ritsuka’s hair, “please.”

Nodding, Ritsuka kept her eye contact as she slid her hand beneath the fabric of Jeanne’s panties. She ran her fingers through the soft blonde hair beneath, and paused. “Have you ever touched yourself?” She asked suddenly, teasingly running the flesh of her finger along the outside her lips.

“No, never,” Jeanne balked, not wholly understanding the connection. Her fingers curled in Ritsuka’s hair as she felt her fingers spread her lips apart. “W-why would that matter?”

Her thoughts were interrupted by a kiss first, Ritsuka made sure to sneak in her tongue before finally running her down Jeanne’s slit. With a flick of her finger, she spread her wetness from her entrance to the bundle of nerves above it. Jeanne whined into Ritsuka’s mouth, she spent so much time teasing her – she had to wonder if Ritsuka got a thrill from it. There were tears forming in Jeanne’s eyes when she finally pressed her other fingers down just above her clit and began to rub.

Jeanne pulled away from the kiss, but leaned her forehead onto Ritsuka’s. “Oh,” she breathed raising her hips a little against Ritsuka’s hand. “Oh God.”

Ritsuka started so slowly Jeanne thought she might cry. She moved in a curve, occasionally dipping down to swirl around her clit before returning to a safe distance. Then she increased her tempo – harder and a little faster. It pulled a moan from Jeanne’s lips that only made Ritsuka move quicker. She could feel her wetness spill out of her, and coat her lover’s fingers. It made her feel dirty but as Ritsuka moved, it only made Jeanne more excited.

Without even thinking about it, Jeanne had wrapped her arms around Ritsuka and begun humming and moaning with each movement. She never thought about what it would be like to make love for the first time, but it was better than what she could’ve anticipated. Ritsuka brushed kisses against her lips as her fingers masterfully strung Jeanne along.

“R-Ritsuka,” Jeanne stuttered against her lips. “It’s – ss…”

She was aware that it was an orgasm – but having never experienced one made it delightfully frightening. It built up on her forebodingly, and Jeanne was desperate to reach it. She had begun rutting her hips into Ritsuka’s hand, and whimpering in her ear. It happened like lightning. Despite the blackness of the bedroom, her vision filled with white. Wave after wave of pleasure soaked through her entire being; the only thing left was the fierce heartbeat between her legs.

Chaste kisses were peppered on her lips, and numbly Jeanne responded to them. Her Master’s weight shifted on top of her and she buried her nose into the crook of Jeanne’s neck. Ah – she thought, this was nice.

“What about you?”

“I’ve touched myself before.”


End file.
